| Sleepless in Toronto |
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| 12:34pm 19/05/2004 |
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Another dream filled night gone by and i'm left to wonder why. You ever had a dream that felt so real that you actually woke up believing it? Maybe it was all that talk with Aravindan and Nicole last night but i've had these dreams before. I've been trying so hard to just move foward with my life and forget everything that has happened in the past but my dreams betray me and are a constant reminder that deep down i still love and miss her. *shakes his head* I can't understand why i'm the only one of us that can't let go and just move on as she did. I have so many great things going for me here to keep me busy.. Figures it'd be when i close my eyes at night she'd appear in my dreams. I actually just woke up.. i fugured i might as well put it in writting as best i could.. It could help.. I'll just have to wait and see i guess. |
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| 09:20am 04/05/2004 |
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Well there's no longer any reason for me to keep this journal closed so guess what... IT'S OPENED! lol.
And now we return you to your LJ update.
Wow! It's true what they say you know.. Time flys when you're having fun! The past couple of weeks have been fantastic for yours truly. I got to spend some time with my best buddies last weekend... I think.. Bah I can't remember all that well when it was but we had a blast. What happened was that I took Steve, Aravindan and Cloud out to a Chinese restaurant for dinner and just to chill. It was great though we were the only ones there that were A) Coloured and B) Spoke very much English. Well that's not all that true. Cloud is white. It's just that Steve's a black guy and myself and Aravindan are both brown. Ok so it took us a lil while to figure out the menu cause it's for the most part in Chinese. Myself and Steve had only been there once before and it was Aravindan and Cloud's first time. Me and Aravindan got Curry (Yeah I know that's screwed - 2 brown guys got a Chinese restaurant to eat curry. lol) and Steve had a large ramen while Cloud went with a medium one. So the curry wasn't all that great but then again it's not what I’m use too.. You coulda drank the curry! Anyways, we all had our food and ordered a few milkshakes and a beer for Steve. We talked and complained about women when I dunno how it came up but we decide to call Sara. By chance I still had her number on my cell and Cloud had a phone card. Couldn't call from my phone cause I had tried that just after we broke up and she never answered so we assumed she wouldn't if I called from my phone so Steve used Cloud's cell instead. I dunno how the conversation went on the phone but on our end we just couldn't help but laugh our asses off. Yeah I know it was mean but she's nothing but an easy target now. Ah well.. I doubt we'll do that again.
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~~Yeah i know it's not a nice thing to say or do but without myself to defend her here my friends can she she's a bitch openly and make fun of it in general. Something they could never do out of respect for me while we were dating. I just can't defend her anymore cause of the way she acted after we broke up. All my attempts to talk to her were shot down one by one. "I'm a nice person" Eh? When the heck did that happen? Ken's tired of hurting.. I think i've given it more than enough time. Don't you? lol~~
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So lets see now.. what else. Oh well I have a new boss at work. He's a pretty cool guy. He's actually Trini too which is cool cept for the fact that he was born here and it totally white washed but that in itself makes things interesting cause then I get to poke fun at him. It's all in good humor though. I've been sick this past week though which sucks. I got a nasty cold from my brother.. I swear he's infecting my entire family.. Ah well, I’m almost back to my old self cept the cough still lingers a bit and because I can only take my meds at night it's taking longer than normal to go away.
In other news I finally got my god damn credit card. I swear I was with this one back for 2 fucking years and nothing. It's not like I didn't try to get one. I did but for some reason I never got one so I switched banks and less than 2 weeks later I got it O_o; That's all good and fine but what's even better is that the same day I got my card I also got my car. It's a 2001 Cavalier (4 doors). It's pretty cool and drives great. I don't plan on keeping it the way it is though. Have a look see at what one looks like first off:
Ok so that's what once looks like cept I have five star rims on mine. Same color though. It's mostly all stock parts now but that'll change eventually. I plan on doing a lot of work on the body and interior. Like changing both front fenders to the ones that are on the BMW uh.. I forget what.. Take a look:
And another angle!
That's not all.. I will put a complete body kit on it as well.. I settled on one yet but I do like this kit:
That's shown on the 2 door model of my car but there is one for the model I have. I would change the hood though and the rims. My car is silver so I won't put white rims on there. These I might though:
Of course this rim model is expensive but it's worth it. I'll be looking and maybe around 1200 EACH! O_O;;
I have decided on this wing though. I'll have mine in silver of course. I'm still trying to decide which hood I like but so far I kinda like this one:
Again, I like it now but maybe I’ll find another I like better later on.. All in all when I’m done this car will be at show car standards. I haven't even started to think about when I should do under the hood but all in due time I guess.
So I’m pretty sure there's ALOT I’m forgetting but then again I have a bad memory so who knows for sure. Anyways, this is all I can think of for now. The next few months seem to be extremely promising. Now all I need is a girl to ride ride ride. lol. Until next time remember to cheer our beloved Maple leafs on during the playoffs! |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| This is so Sara.. >> |
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| 08:19pm 18/10/2003 |
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mood:  amused music: Linkin Park - Reanimation - Points Of Authority
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WORDS WOMEN USE
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FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows! )
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."
GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint! Just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"
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I'm just teasing btw but in all honesty, it's true to ALOT of girls i know.. including my own ^_^v; |
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Read 37 - Post |
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| Idealism |
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| 09:53pm 29/09/2003 |
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mood:  contemplative music: Brain Adams and Barbara Streisand - I Finally Found Someone
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Well it's been awhile and i haven't updated. Starting to think that's a bad habbit of mine that i'll never grow out of. So i'm somewhat bored and drained at the minute so while i have this time i've decided to give you folks a rundown of things as of late.
Works' been.. Well work is work and that never changes. Still being trained. The new store doesn't open till December and when that happens i'm gonna transfer to that store and maybe by then i'll find a couple of roommates and move out. The cost of living in toronto is high as anyone from here will tell you. So having a roommate is a must for any student living on their own. If Cloud gets a job by then, then he'll be a roommate cause i know he wants to strike out too. Maybe Steve will be ready to give it a shot too by then.
Personally, there's been ups and downs as there always is. I've made some new friends and i feel like i'm loosing some. I guess it kinda balances out in a way. There are some friendships that have been neglected as of late though and that i cannot see ever end. Like with Steve.. He is one of my best friends. I can talk about anything at all with him and he is always honest with me. Over the years, i've come to trust him more than most poeple i know. We haven't hung out in months because both he an i work but on friday we've decided to hang out. I don't have many friends i would consider family or call brother but he is one.
Well my shedual has been somewhat random to say the least but it's always like that. Here's my work shedual for this week. Note again though that it's subject to change as always.
Monday - Is today and i had today off.
Tuesday - 9am - 7pm
Wednesday - 7pm - close
Thursday - 6 - close
Friday - Off
Saturday - Off
Sunday - 5pm - close
So that's as much as i know for now. Now normally when i work a closing shift and i get home i watch a movie or anime and talk to friends untill the wee hours in the morning and then goto bed. I then sleep in and wake up a couple of hours before work so that's my day. I feel kinda bad though cause i promised Vina i'd take her out to dinner and get her something nice for her birthday a few weeks ago. I'm gonna have to make it up to her. Maybe Saturday night if i have nothing better doing. I still have to get a blank dvdr and burn the second Inu Yasha movie for Nancy too. Hopefully this time i can get the timing right when it re-encodes.
So other than that, my life this weeks seems somewhat uneventful. I hope everyone that i haven't spoken to in awhile are all ok and doing well. But before i go, i want to say sorry for being idealistic at times. I have a bad habbit of meeting everyone new with a friendly smile and i try to get one back in return however it's not always the case. Can't change people, only myself and that in itself is so very hard to do so for now i'll keep watching and not saying anything while others ( i won't mention names ), say inconsiderate things or vent fustration and the first person they meet. Before you think it's you whoever's reading this now, don't. It's a few people. I'm not trying to be offend anyone. These days it's to easy and it really isn't worth it. But anyways, i'd like to think that i'm easy to get along with and to be friends with. I don't ask anything other than friendship from most people. I know sometimes that in itself is to much to ask. In that case forgiveness is what i ask. Freedom is speach is a great thing but is it really that great when someone says something inconsiderate to hurt another? I don't think so.. And again, that's me being idealistic. Untill next time.. |
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Read 6 - Post |
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| Do you feel uppity today? |
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| 02:08am 22/09/2003 |
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I feel uppity today! This journal needs more uppity movements! I have reached the status of too uppity. Please slap me back down to reality. *slap*
Random messages brought to you by "Y?"! The banned word of the week! |
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Read 10 - Post |
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| 01:54am 04/09/2003 |
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mood:  cold music: Ayashi No Ceres - Scarlet
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I'm so tired of trying.. So many things that i want to say and i can't.. It's cutting me deeply tonight for reasons known to me and no one else. I can't vent. I don't know how without offending someone or hurting someone close to me. I'm tired of being treated like just another person. Tired of being alone. Tired of pretending like i'm ok. Tired of pretending like everything is ok. I need to talk and there is no one to listen. I can easily protect myself from the hurt.. from the pain. But the cost is great. I would have to pull back from that which i hold dear. I don't know if i can do it.. I don't think i'm that strong.. I feel like my heart has stopped beating.. like the blood itself has stopped flowing in my veins. Each day i die some more and i become more passive to things i shouldn't be passive about. This isn't me.. This isn't who i am.. I've almost forgotten what i was.. What made me.. What was mine and mine alone.. I keep smiling, laughing, living and i still die a little more everyday. I try to be open about everything.. i honestly do.. which is why this lj had remained open to everyone. But what's the point in speaking if no one listens?.... I'm just so tired of it all.. |
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Read 14 - Post |
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| 11:51pm 25/08/2003 |
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mood:  sick music: Brian Adams- I'll be right there waiting for you
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Sitting here sick, kinda bored.. I'm thinking i should build a new pc. Just another machine to store and manage my anime. As it turns out i may have some cash to play around this christmas cause i may not go anywhere. I just blew like $1600 on a new tv so as of right now i'm broke. But now that i'm on a payment plan it'll leave me with cash to do things with. I was planning on going to the states but what i had in mind is never really gonna come true or rather i can't see it comming true. It's alright though.. i guess. So maybe i will build that new slave pc. I've done a parts and price list. Granted it isn't anything even remotly close to what i'm running now but like i said, it's just for server/storage purposes. For all of you that know your stuff here's a general breakdown of what i might go with.
CPU AMD ATHLON XP 2000+ RETAIL THBREAD - $99.00CDN
MB ASUS A7V600 S462 3D 6PCI SND LAN RAID - $129.00CDN
MEMORY 512MB PC2100 DDR SYNCMAX - $119.00CDN
CASE ATX MID P4-300W MECCA w/WINDOW WHT - $49.00CDN
VIDEO ATI RADEON 7500 128MB TV/DVI-O RET - $79.99CDN
Total After Taxes = $550CDN
I just rounded of the actually amount to the nearest 10th cause it's a few bucks cheaper. It isn't such a bad machine really.. It'll run pretty much anything out. I may ask a few friends if they want one. Ofcourse they pay for the parts n'stuff and i'll put it together for them for free. I've never charged for that cause i always do it for friends and most of my friends are the same way.
So if i'm home this holiday season i'll more than likely be working trough the holidays like i did last year.. The money is good but it really does burn you out to work that much. I want to do something different though.. Something special.. Something that i will remember and maybe do from then on, every year. I have no holiday traditions and i kinda had my heart set on starting one this year when i went to the states but i guess it could wait.
That's all for now. Until next time.... |
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Read 13 - Post |
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| Grand Thieft Donut! |
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| 02:15am 22/08/2003 |
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mood:  blah music: Bob Marley - No Woman No Cry
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So i've had a somewhat interesting few days.. Well due to the power outage i was offline for a few days but that's all old news. So lets see now.. A few days ago, i had to go with David to the hospital in the morning cause he asked me too. See he's sick.. Dunno what it is yet so he had to go under and have some tests done. So i was there to make sure he didn't walk into oncomming traffic or anything on his way back home. I was supposed to goto work that afternoon but i didn't feel much like it so i just called in and said i was sick which i was actually. That was due to the fact that me and David had chinese that day and i think that they mixed the spoons where i got my dish. Cause i am alergic to shellfish and they had lots of it. So yeah i was sick.. Took that day off and drugged up. I felt better by the end of the day. So i think it was Cloud that called me and asked if i wanted to do anything. So anyways, long story short, i lugged my Xbox over to David's place to with Cloud and we played games most of the night in between him swiping a box of donuts, danishes and other really expensive baked goods. It all happened when we decided to go to thelocal grocery store to get munchies. On the way there we past the cafe where i use to work at. Now they have their baked stuff delivered late at night and if there is no one there to take it inside then it's left outside in boxes that are well sealed up. So we walked past and it wasn't there so we figured that they had already taken the boxes inside already so we went and got hamburgers and drinks and on our way back we noticed that they had actually just arrived and they were outside. Now myself and David couldn't take it because we're known by everyone there but Cloud isn't so we decided to have Cloud swipe a box. David knew where all the security cameras where at and where they were pointed at so it wasn't too hard for him to get a box.. Ofcourse it took some bitching to actually get him to do it. Anyways, he got it. I was full from the burgers so i didn't have any. Not that i was too chicken. I have those all the time becuase my dad always gets them and other really good cakes n'stuff cause he knows those guys pretty good. Cloud took some home and David kept the rest. I also got my new dsl line. It is infact alot faster than my cable but i'm still debating on keeping it or not cause it seems to dislike sending files to people. In other news, with the power being out for the few days i missed the news concerning the new virus that was causing all hell online and thus, my pc became infected. It's taken days to recover everything. I'm still trying to get all my stuff back together. I have to reinstall everything because i have windows installed on another harddrive. my big harddrive will be only for anime for now to lessen the risk of getting infected again.. Needless to say that my pc is now on lockdown. Nothing can really get trough.. Firewalls, virus scaners.. you name it, i turned everything on. Bastard viruses.. If i ever find the guy that scripted that one i'd break each and everyone of his fingers. This thing has cause me enough headache. So i gotta goto bed soon cause i gotta get up at 7am for work. Dunno when i'll update next but i'll sure i'll hear about that sooner or later. Peace all. |
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Read 26 - Post |
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| Just tell me.. |
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| 04:22am 11/08/2003 |
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mood: disappointed music: Celine Dion - A New Day Has Come - When The Wrong One Loves You Right
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You know, I've been thinking.. I've never actually been on a vacation of any type before.. It's always something that comes up like work or family or lack of cash or something and I think that maybe I owe it to myself to go somewhere.. I was think by Christmas time I would have enough saved up to actually go somewhere and the first place on my mind was to go so Sara but she will be with her family so it would be pointless though I kinda wished I could have spent Christmas with her but I guess it's understandable why I can't. My family doesn't really celebrate Christmas. But I've always waned too.. When I have a family of my own I'm gonna make sure my kids grow up in the type of home that really enjoys holidays like that..
I think my upbringing was pretty good considering... But I still feel like I missed out on so much.. things I could have done without if I were still back home.. I've decided where I'm gonna go if I'm going anywhere this Christmas.. No one can stop me. I'll go wherever me hearts leads me even if it leads me to heartbreak. It's a gamble I have to take..
You know what's bad? When you wrong person loves you right.. It's so frustrating.. When you get everything you long for from the wrong person. To be torn in half that way.. Apart of me still lives in my past.. I guess that can't be helped..
Don't mind this post to much folks.. I needed to talk and there was no one to listen. I don't feel much any better though but tomorrow is another day.. And as always, I will hope for the best and expect the worse. Goodnight. |
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Read 10 - Post |
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| Every time... |
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| 02:15am 08/08/2003 |
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mood:  tired music: Brian Mcknight - Anytime
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You know, I always thought that nice guys finish last in this day and age but that's starting to change as I meet more new people everyday and I find more people not unlike myself. I'd like to think that everyone has some good in them somewhere and that is what should shine trough any flaws they might have but sometimes it's just hard to see that. I always try to look for the good in people but often that only leads me to find a flaw in myself. Over the past few weeks I've been working more just to keep myself busy so that I don't have time to sit and think about what I lack in life.
It's kinda funny really but yesterday this lady came up to the cash with a few movies and took a look at me and told me that I shouldn't hide what I feel inside. That I'm not getting what I deserve from my personal life and at home. That I'm a leader and not a follower. She said some other stuff too but some of the things she told me kinda scared me cause I've never told anyone about any of it.. So as it turns out, she's a physic. I've never actually met one before and I didn't think I ever would but she was pretty nice and really friendly and the way she said it just kinda got to me. I'm not a person to believe in that type of things but it was just shocking that she could tell me what I told no one. It's not like I was depressed or anything.. I was smiling and laughing with my friends and customers that whole shift but somehow she was able to see trough my mask >>
So it's pretty much final.. I'm being promoted to shift supervisor. I already started training. I'll most likely be moving to a whole new store that will be completed sometime in October. My manager said I have a lot of potential and that if he had things his way he'd keep me at his store cause he needs people like me but there are others who've been there longer that would be upset if I got ahead of them.. I'm still one of the new guys at that store but I'm the top seller and I'm the best with customer relations. I believe if you talk to people like people then they will respond like people so I always joke with customers and try to get them to at least smile if not laugh so that whatever type of day they've been having thus far, at least for a couple of minutes, they can just forget it and smile. I always say you can tell a lot by the way a person smiles and that's one of the first things I look for when I meet new people. I always try to keep a smile on when I'm around people because it lightens up the atmosphere in general and everyone just seems to get along with each other better.. Of course there are those who that just doesn't apply too at all. So yeah, i'll be at a new store. My manager said I could move up really fast and have my own store if I wanted it.. I don't think I'm ready for something like that just yet.. I want to get the experience though so that I could maybe start my own business and be my own boss. I've learnt a lot in this past year alone that is worth a lot more than the money I get paid. I've become a lot more social. I can talk to pretty much anyone now and I've grown a lot emotionally. I'd like to think I've become a better person. I keep getting told that I have. One flaw I have is that I have a hard time being second best. When I started working at BBV I was new to everything and everyone so I was pretty much at the bottom of the barrel. I saw how the number one guy was treated and spoken too and I wanted that and now I am the best at what I do. I have what I wanted in this case.
So I've been thinking about it.. I'm gonna work at a shift supervisor for a few months and if all goes well I'm gonna ask for a transfer to a store in the U.S. I'm destined for greater things and I know no one can get in my way.. It's all a matter of time. Maybe I will stick with BBV for another year as a shift and see how far I can go within' that time period. If I wanted my own store the money wouldn't be to bad but I want more. Yeah I'm greedy, I know.. I can hardly wait to see what lies ahead for me in my business life. As for my love life, who knows.. I know what I want but I just don't know what the future holds for me. Some people keep telling me that I'm being toyed with or that I'm being stringed along.. I don't want to believe any of that.. I don't want to give up.. I won't...
So yeah.. I haven't done a real post in a lil while and hopefully this will kinda make up for that.. I'm still working like everyday so my time online is limited.. I'm not ignoring anyone of you on purpose so don't ever think I am. I miss all my friends the same. Maybe next week will be somewhat better.. I'm not sure yet but i'll be sure to post my new schedule when I get it so until then say posted..
Take care folks. |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| Dark day for Dark Master @_@ |
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| 11:57pm 03/08/2003 |
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mood: drained music: Chalte Chalte - Suno Na
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So I've had a pretty rough few days.. it's been nothing but work.. Only had time to like rest and the go to work again.. This week will be no better.. I wrote down my schedule for those of you who care to know when you can reach me.
Monday - Off
Tuesday - 4pm - close
Wednesday - 7pm - close
Thursday - 6pm - close
Friday - 4pm - close
Saturday - 5pm - close
Sunday - 5pm - close
So yeah that's my life for the next few days.. Closing everyday.. Oh well.. It's not like I have anything better to do any ways.. So yeah, there it is.. You all know the drill and the rules about calling or showing up at my house. If you can't remember scroll down and read it all again cause I'm much to tired to post all that again.. Any ways, I'm gonna call it a night in a few cause I'm just really tired and loneliness seems to be creeping up on me again.. Till next time folks.. |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| Crazy days ahead! |
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| 12:19am 24/07/2003 |
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mood: drained music: Debra Cox & R.L. - We Cant Be Friends
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So yeah I've been so busy lately with work and when I do get home I'm so tired I just wanna go to bed.. Like yesterday I did a 12 hour shift and when I got home I was still on a sugar rush cause of all the coke and chocolate I had so I had to wait till that faded and when it finally did I slept like a baby.. slept till like 1am today and then clude came over and we chilled and played smash brothers and Godzilla till like 10:30pm. It was all right though cause today is my only day off this week. Here's a look at my schedule for those who care to know.
Thursday: 4pm - close
Friday: 4pm - close
Saturday: 2pm - 4am
So yeah that's as far as I know so far.. I'll find out for next week when I go in tomorrow.. I'll be sure to post that too if I can remember too cause as most of you know, I do tend to forget about this thing so bear with me. Oh and just a reminder cause a few of you forgot last time.. when I say close I mean 12:15am but I don't get home till like 1-1:30am. So now calls before then! AND you have to wait till you at least see me online before calling.. Gimme some time to get my phone close to me so it don't wake up everyone at my place. >> And you read right.. Saturday is a 14 hour work day for me. So now calls at all. I won't get home till like 5am and I'm pretty sure i'll be a walking corpse. So yeah, i'll be out like a light most of Sunday and if they call my into work i'll be there. Just wait till you see me online before you do anything ok? Also remember that jut because my messengers say I'm online, it doesn't mean that I am infarct, in front of my computer.. My brother has a bad habit of fiddling with my PC when I'm not home and he may touch msn. Just msg me and if I don't reply, I'm not here but if I do, ask who it is first and then watch the way I type and respond.. Most of you know me well enough to know the way I talk now so you'll know if it's me.. I think that's all for now >>
So yeah, i'll end it here. Hope you're all having a better week than I'm having cause my life just sucks ^_^; Take care all. |
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Read 11 - Post |
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| 08:58pm 17/07/2003 |
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mood:  content
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This is a new icon. It has... somebody from Naruto in it. The text reads "As I look back will you be there". Basically the font uses the two prominent colors in the picture. Red and blue obviously.
This icon and post was brought to you by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) tifag |
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Read 14 - Post |
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| Alone again. |
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| 12:46am 15/07/2003 |
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mood:  lonely music: Tea Party - Tangents - 01 - Walking Wounded
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Yeah so today wasn't much better that yesterday.. I want to say sorry to everyone for just up and leaving like I did last night. I just needed to get out and get some fresh air.. I took a walk down to the park but they were still cleaning up after the Portuguese fair thing they had their earlier in the day. So I just kept walking and thinking.. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life so far.. But, I'd like to think I've learnt something from each mistake I make. But sometimes it's hard to know what I should learn from them.. For instance.. I get "you're sweet", "you're so caring", "you're such a nice guy" or "you're so loving".. But, I'm just getting so sick of hearing it.. You know why? Cause it gets you no where.. I am who I am and as hard as I try I cannot change that.. I'm cursed to be the guy that hears about everyone's problems and bleed to help them feel better.. It's sickening now that I think about it.. I don't know a lot of people that do some of the things I do and yet in the end, they end up ahead of me. Like the other day at work a friend saw the new wrist band I was wearing (the spiky one) and said it doesn't suit me because I'm a nice guy. Well that didn't know how to respond to that.. I could have gotten into a long argument with her.. But instead I told her nice guys finish last.. Another friend that was there agreed with me.. Maybe she knew that for a fact, I don't know but I sure did. What I have to offer, no one wants.. or rather, they say they want it and then choose otherwise. It's really starting to get to me. It's never good enough and every time someone says or does something without thinking about what they're really saying it hurts.. But then again, who cares right? I've been soft all my life and I've gotten so use to it that I don't know how to turn the other way and not feel anything. It's sickening.. it's just to pitiful. But I'm starting to hate myself for who I am. I never thought I'd do that.. I like who I am and I never use to second guess that.. but now, it's just differ net.. I can't turn back and I'm afraid to walk forward. |
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Read 16 - Post |
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| Ah loneliness. Gotta loath it.. |
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| 09:16pm 13/07/2003 |
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mood: lonely music: Naruto OST - 09 - Loneliness
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Not to much to report on today.. I got back from work around 6pm. I spent 4 hours doing returns! It was insane I tell you.. Like a few hundred movies were returned and the guy that was on duty missed one of the return shifts so I had to make up for that and my own. So yeah, that sucked ass.
In other news, when I got back I took my brother to the Portuguese fair going on in the nearby park. It was pretty dull... well for me at least. He had fun playing the games. He won a yellow dog. There were lotsa nice girls there too >> Ah well I guess it wasn't that much of a waist of my time.. But still, it kinda makes me feel lonely cause there were tons of couples there and I kinda wanted to take someone with me too.. Oh well.. I'll get over that I guess..
Any ways, I'm kinda tired but I also wanna go out tonight so I'm somewhat torn.. Tomorrow and Wednesday are the only 2 days off I'm gonna get all this week so I want to do something but then my body is somewhat sore from working almost everyday this past week.. Not to mention I haven't been sleeping all to well lately so I find that I'm burning out faster.. You know, I need to relax somehow.. I don't know how I'm supposed to do that but I know I need to find a way cause I'm just getting really sick and tired of this feeling..
Sorry guys, not a good day on my part. |
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Read 10 - Post |
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| So addicting! |
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| 03:08pm 09/07/2003 |
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mood: blah music: Jodee Messina - Burn
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Yeah so I don't have to work till 7 and I'm already up.. Why? Cause my dad wanted me to call and bitch out Rogers cause one of our digital boxes isn't working and they keep telling us to do the same thing over and over and it doesn't work so now, they're gonna send someone over Friday morning to take a look at it.. I swear, I'm gonna get me a dish and forget about Rogers >>
Been busy this week. Working most everyday cept for tomorrow. Here's how my schedule looks so as of today.
Wednesday - 7pm - 12:15am
Thursday - On call
Friday - 4pm - 9pm
Saturday - 12pm - 7pm
Sunday - 1pm - 5pm
Now all of that is subject to change but a few of you have asked before me to post my schedule so there it is. Like this morning another store called me and asked me to work a closing shift but I was already working a closing shift at another store. If it does change i'll try and remember to update and say so. So yeah, keep in mind that it takes me like an hour to get home after work so no calling an hour before work and no calling until at least an hour after work.. Normally I don't go out after work cause I dislike the blockbuster clothes I gotta wear so I come home and take it off as soon as I can.
As I'm sure some of you already noticed, I have a new icon. Much thanks to tifag for making it for me. See, my idea of an icon it a resized pic XD So it's nice to have one that's well made. Now if only I could get on touch with Cloud so he can make me another.. Ah well this one is just fine for the time being ^_^
So yeah I have a few hours to kill before work and I dunno what to do.. The Internet is getting kinda boring.. Gah I don't like sitting around like this doing nothing.. It gets boring fast.. Oh I saw T3 the other night.. That was pretty good.. the girl was pretty hot. lol. Any ways, it was lotsa action from the start till the end.. It felt like the movie went by to fast but it is like an hour and a half. It was just that good I guess. Very movies are like that.. Gangs of NewYork was almost 3 hours but it was good too. The new Travolta (sp) movie, Basic was pretty good too.. I won't spoil it for anyone that didn't see it yet but i'll tell ya, some of the twists in that story came outta no where >>
Hmm.. I think I'm gonna go watch another movie then.. Godzilla is always good ^_^v So I dunno if i'll be back on before work but if not i'll be on after so until then, stay frosty. *throws a stuffed Pikachu at Sere for sending him this song* ~_~;; |
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Read 15 - Post |
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| Hello all you happy people! |
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| 11:59pm 06/07/2003 |
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mood:  crazy music: Gackt - Vanilla (because vanilla on Gackt taste's good!)
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How is everybody doing this fine night? Quite shibby myself. Well, if you want to get technical is is now the morning here. Although those in Alaska are still enjoying a nice fine hour of Sunday still left! Then again... it would be hard to tell is it is 11 at night because around this time it will still look like it is the afternoon. Because we all know Alaska is just crazy that way.
But enough about Alaska. Let's get down to business. The entire reason that I am here talking to you nifty people. Now now people, you are most nifty in the niftiest of senses. Okay, back to the original reason I am here.
Now nobody can get upset at me because I was given permission to post this hyperactive piece of nonsense. And it's all bout the nonsense! Actually, it's all about the icon! Insisting upon a nice little entry to announce the arrival of new icon number 3! Getting a refusal, saying that icon number 3 deserved more then a little post. The reigns were handed to me and insanity ensued!
This beautiful icon number 3 features the very nifty Tooya from Ayashi no Ceres. After getting a royal ass whipping! Because Tooya only accepts ass whippings of the royal kind. The words on the icon come from a song. A song that really doesn't know what it's about. Happy ever after or just kicking the bucket. I have yet to figure it out.
Well, I'm running out of things to talk about. And the things I want to talk about would probably just confuse some poor people out there. As so often I easily confuse people, at least I am told. Well... I should be off now. As I know everybody is staring in utter confusion at this post.
Toddles people! |
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Read 17 - Post |
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| It's spiky! |
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| 11:29pm 28/06/2003 |
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mood: contemplative music: Puff Daddy - I Need A Girl (Part 1)
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So yeah, today didn't go as planned.. As it turns out I got up at around 12pm and just lingered in bed for like another hour not wanting to get up cause it was to bright and my eyes are ultra sensitive to bright lights in the morning.. So yeah at around 1-1:30 I finally got up and had a shower and got dressed and started looking for my mom cause I wanted to take my TV to get repaired but she went out with the van >.<;; Now we have a car too but my tv is pretty big and it's better if we took the van cause then it'd be alot eaiser for me to take it put it in without breaking something else which would be the last thing i need.. But alas, she wasn't home i she didn't take the cell with her so yeah, needless to say my tv i still in my room in the very same condition. Now it works but the stupid screen turns blue at the worse times.. It doesn't stay blue mind you, it switched back and forth every now and then and it always seem to happen when i'm watching a good movie or playing a game or something and all my attention is devoted to it.. Like i'm playing Shenmue and i'm doing a job or a mini quest and anyone that has played it before knows that you gotta be quick and press the button right when it flashes on the screen or else you're screwed.. well my tv must know this cause it seems like it always does it and the worse times! Anyways, gotta wait till monday to take it in now cause the stupid guy doesn't open on sundays.. And tuesday is a holiday! Don't ask which it is cause i don't even know.. If i had to guess i'd say Canada Day.. I'm not sure though.. Could be wrong and i'm horible with dates as most of you already know so chances are that i am infact wrong >>
I didn't get a chance to take my copy of Shenmue back today either cause I got home to late.. Even my brother is starting to get annoyed with it cause it freezes in the same general area.. Oh well.. I guess that's to be expected when you buy a used game.. It still wasn't bad for the price considering how expensive new games are. And I outright refuse to get my Xbox modded.. So yeah, gotta wait till Monday now to return that and get a new one >> It's like no where is open on Sundays! Well, no where I need to go any ways..
So some of you might be wondering just what I did today.. Well I already told one person and to save myself from having to tell everyone one at a time i'll just post it here. So.... I went to the Flee Market today and shopped.. lol. Now shopping is evil in my opinion but it was good to get out today any ways.. So yeah, I bought new shoes cause my old ones are just that, old now. lol. I've had them for a few years now and they've lasted past winter storms and anything else mother nature ever hit Toronto with. All in all though they're in good shape. But I bought new ones today so I'm gonna wash out my old pair and set them aside for the time being. The new one is all black and kinda shiny x_x; I like it tough.. It's one size bigger than what I wear though cause they didn't have my size >.<;; So i settled fo the bigger pair.. They aren't that much bigger but i do notice the size difference from my one shoes.
Also got a wrist band.. You know, an all black leather one with the spiky things on them. lol. I think they look good actually. And they're somewhat practical to me cause i shattered my wrist when i was younger and it didn't heal right do it hurts from time to time and i can't put alot of weight on it. The doctors wanted to operate but there was no way i'd let them do that O_O; I can take the pain.. Like as i type this now it's starting to hurt cause i'm typing alot non-stop and this isn't a very comfortable position for my wrist to be in.. So yeah.. It looks badass!
Lets see.. what else, oh i bought a new wallet! My old one got all torn up cause of all th change i normally have in there.. This new one is a lil bigger and stronger so hopefully it'll last longer than the other one.. That one i had for like 4 years! It was just right for me but everywhere i got i get a card.. When i network i get even more cards so it all just tore it apart till it could take no more :( I'll miss it dearly i will >>
Oh and I dunno why but I bought fancy type bed sheets.. Now I like it cause it's really smooth and silky like and I like red BUT this thing has hearts all over the pillow casing and it as roses and stuff embroided all over it! Talk about fruity O_o; I mean it looks nice n'all but it's not a typical guy thing. I think I'm gonna just keep it till well.. lol, I dunno.. In the closet it goes!
So yeah I saw lotsa other cool stuff that I coulda bought but most of the people there take cash only and my bank is closed on Saturdays so I only had a lil over 100 with me so I couldn't buy more stuff.. I'm gonna go back ASAP and pick up a set of neon strobe lights for my van tough.. It's pretty cheap there and they're the type R ones! So yeah, gotta buy it and install it.. I wanna get the neon lights that go under the car too but those are so god damn expensive! I priced them yesterday at 200 each! And I'd need 4 >> Needless to say I'm not about to spend that kinda cash on lights.....yet >>
Well I'm gonna end it here for now.. Hey, this is 2 days in a row that I'm updating! Wonder if i'll be able to do this again tomorrow.. kinda hard to tell with yours truly cause most of the times I have nothing to write about and I just kinda forget about this thing.. Oh well, i'ma try to remember this time.. So until then, peace, love and Shenmue for all! XD |
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Read 109 - Post |
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| Just thinking again.. |
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| 03:45am 28/06/2003 |
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mood: depressed music: Celine Dion - All By Myself
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So today I had planned to go get my hair trimmed and then hang out with Steve cause I haven't seen him in a long time and that's kinda bad considering he's one of my bests friends.. Well as time would have it, I didn't get a chance to go see my barber today but I did get to chill with Steve which is cool. We went down to Young Street and hit the arcade we always go to. They had version 2 of Initial D!! I was so impressed but of course on all uh.. 8 machine that they had, they had a matching Asian guy to boot. lol. Any ways, I waited and when I finally got on I got destroyed in it twice! I forgot just how trick a racer that is. Any ways, I could have stayed longer and upgraded my car like those azn guy but I have better things to do with my cash like pay for school >> So yeah, they spent like crazy cash upgrading stuff so their cars are totally decked out.. My poor Evo III isn't upgraded yet so it didn't stand a chance...this time!
So yeah, in other news, I got a pretty big day ahead of me tomorrow or rather, later today.. I gotta go, get top soil for own front lawn, take my TV to be fixed cause it turns blue whenever it feels like it, take Shenmue back to get it exchanged cause it freezes which really gets on my nerves AND look for a new phone for my room. Not to mention I wanna hang with Steve again and Cloud said he'd gimme a call. So yeah, I dunno how all of that is gonna happen yet but it should be interesting..
In other other news, I'm lonely.. I've just concluded that.. After thinking about it for most of the night I've finally understood and accepted that I am. So what do I plan on doing to fix this? I don't know yet.. But I'm gonna think about it some more cause decisions like this can't be made likely and I'm not about to do anything rash. Now then, some friends of mine think I should just go out more. Now I did go out today but that was only ok while I was out. I dunno.. Gah things were so much easier when I was younger.. I dropped my cookie, I threw a fit, I got a new one >> Oh well.. The other afternoon I was sitting outside on the front porch with my mom and I'm not really sure how she got onto the topic itself but she said "You should go back to Trinidad and marry a girl there and bring her up here because most -white- (my mom isn't raciest btw) girls are quick to get divorce and if you have kids they get pulled one both ways and you can get hurt really bad". Now then, I think she said that cause she's been here for awhile and she's seen it happen again and again. Now as I explained to some of my friends before, things like that are somewhat rare in Trinidad. When two people get married they stay happily married for the rest of their lives. Over here and in the U.S. it doesn't always work that way and things like what my mom spoke of happen more often more than I think, anyone would like to admit. My mom isn't the type of person to judge any girl I bring home though.. My happiness is her happiness.. She's just still overprotective and I guess she'll always be that way.. I just don't know.. I try to have faith but the society in north American tells me I'm nothing but a fool for having faith and maybe I should be able to see what's already coming. Gah.. I just don't know >.<;;
Here i am, talking to a buncha people on msn at 3:40am and i'm still lonely.. go figure huh?
Anyways, i'm gonna go now cause i'm kinda depressed and that's never really a good thing but i don't seem to really care all that much anymore. Sleep well family. |
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Read 4 - Post |
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